Unthinkable

"I know u said to me
This is exactly how it should feel
when it's meant to be
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually
If we gonna do something about it
We should do it right now"-A.Keys

Sunday Morning

"But things just get so crazy
living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling
and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you"-Maroon5

Sure Looks Good to Me.

While sitting on the bus going home from school yesterday this song came up on my ipod....

Life is cheap, bittersweet
But it taste good to me
Take my turn, crash and burn
That's how it's supposed to be

So don’t rain on my parade
Life’s too short to waste one day

I’m gonna risk it all,
the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

Time passed by and leaves you behind
Take it naturally
Heaven knows, there’s so much more
More than what we see

Signs.

There have been numerous events that have been occurring lately that I feel God is telling me that all the thinking and decisions i've been making are totally bringing me on the right path. I haven't been this content with life in awhile and I feel that all this time i've been dragging myself through frustration I have finally began to see the light and boy does it shine bright. This past week has been amazing and I feel that if I consistently put my faith and my trust in God and his plan for me that it will truly unfold into something beautiful and totally worthwhile.

Last Saturday as you know, Company had our last performance for the season in Sac. Yes, a very long, hot and i guess boring day well, not boring but it was just long and it felt like a lot of time was passing by... after numerous rehearsals and eating and time in between it was time to boom and perform. As Mike said it was a little different this time. We were smaller, we were rehearsed by co-captains (Mike, Jeka,Subi) and we boomed the first time without Pat. Things felt weird, it was shaky we didn't feel 100% there but then Pat was able to escape from the judging table and gave us the speech and we boomed again now we were ready... and when we performed we took down the house it was an amazing feeling and i realized that that was it these kind of performances these kind of times where we really work as a team to get the job done is the reason why I still stay why i still work hard at dancing and why I can never see myself not being apart of the company whether i'm in a lot of pieces or not.. seeing everyone smile and feel good after the piece walking off stage is the best accomplishment we can achieve as a team. 

On sunday artressa and I left early in the AM to fly down to san diego to meet up lauren. we drove to my friends apartment and got settled in. It was a nice, cozy little place perfect for us three and it was the bestest vacation haha totally necessary. On sunday we went to the beach and enjoyed the nice weather and water then we headed back to the apartment and got ready for the BONE THUGS AND HARMONY CONCERT random we know, but big shout out to toeknee for giving us the experience!! so we got to the house of blues had a couple of drinks and enjoyed singing the few songs artressa, lauren and i knew al together it was reallyfun... (i'm gona try to make this as short as possible) but after that we went on really fun adventure we went to get food, passed by a club for yaeger shots (not me tho!) haha and drove down to coronado beach it was beautiful even though it was dark the water felt good.. then toeknee's tall ass jumped a gate of a private pool and we all spontaneously swam for like an hour and a half haha then we went to the wharf i guess? and played games, talked and ended the fun night.. thanks to toeknee, chris aka milliondollargap and scott for a fun spontaneous first night in SD.. the next day us three went shopping and got lost finding la jolla (hoya LOL) beach but when we finally found it we stayed there ALLL DAYYY LONGGGGG haha after a couple of hours Vinh and his brother Khang and his gf came to meet us up.. Luke and other super galactics came also.. they told us of a good sushi restaurant called sushihana that we went to after and mmm mm yummmy!! after ALL that we went home to get ready to meet toeknee to watch the worst move ever BRUNO! gaggggg... not a recomendation on my list.. after the movie we ate some carne asada fries and Gil met us up!! then we headed to toeknee's house to chat, play with fireworks, chat and more chatting.. on Tuesday i woke up early to eat lunch with my friend from elementary school he took me to old town sandiego and we had more mexican food it's nice to know that after all these years we are still able to talk and not feel any akwardness. i had a really good time chatting about the past and who we are now things change real friends don't... after that i went more shopping with the girls then headed to studio 429 for vinh's class.. it felt good to learn from someone outside of the company and it felt good to take class again.. i really enjoyed it and glad that we were able to meet some choreo cookies after the class, the girls and i got ready to head out to PB for our last night.. it was fun a nice place of shops and bars, a little different than the norm but altogether a good time as long as we're with each other.. we attempted to go to the beach and watch the sun come up but there were weirdos at the beach so we kinda scratched that. on wednesday we met up with louise of supergalactic and headed back to PB but this time to shop.. then we had some yogurt world and headed to Vinh's house.. aww Vinh's puppy is a cutie!! Vinh took us to this private pool where the girls and i swam with some supergalactics.. it was fun to feel the hot sun and swim for the last time.. THANKS Vinh and supergalactics (louise,ruel,vinh and luke). then i headed to the airport and that was the end of our fun trip haha

this is long i know...

today i had orientation for school i'm really excited i feel that this was really the right way to go and i got an even better sign today that reassured me that i'm gona be just fine. after all the tours, getting 8 books, scrubs and class schedules i finally hopped on the bus to work.. a lady sat next to me and said "OH, nursing huh?" and i told her my story the endless struggle of trying to get into an RN program and how i was waitlisted and how i felt i was waisting time so i resorted to another route.. and she told me that she was an RN and that it took her almost 7 years to complete it, but no matter how long it took her she said she is where she's at and she's still an RN. she told me to not worry about how much time it will take or what route to go, in the end i will get what i want, if i really want it. I swear God sent me like a little angel to remind me that everything is working out how it is supposed to be.. and like the lady said no matter how long or what route i take i will get there.. and i will.

my life has been crazy lately i've had this upbringing i guess u can call it with all the things i have been thinking and deciding about. i am totally content and like i said have never felt this way in a long time.. i'm aware things may be shaky on the way but it's a damn good start. these signs are what i needed i now know that i am gona be okay. 

before i head out...

Tomorrow Company will be performing at boogie's show/competition in Sacramento. I'm excited to finally perform again even though i feel a bit rusty. I feel like I haven't been actually "dancing" since I took on my position in May so getting back into the swing of things is kinda hard. It's fun being able to see everyone again and hanging out at the studio it's so weird how it feels like forever but it's only been a month since company has been in the studio sweating together. I can't wait to take SI and begin a new season, is it season 5 already? or am i trippen? Season 4 was bittersweet for me I've been on a seasaw for a couple of months now and dancing hasn't been my number one. I know I've blogged numerous times about this but it's always on my mind like whether my dancing days are over, whether this is a phase i'm going through or if it's basically that i don't have time. But, when i think of stopping, I feel like there's a part of me that can't let go of dancing no matter how hard or busy my schedule is and is going to get. Everything that comes with dancing has helped define who i am and to let it go is like letting go a big chunk of my life that I've put my blood, sweat and tears in and that ain't easy..so for season 5 i am going to have a different outlook on dancing and dancing in the company it's no longer about anything but myself and the music and how I want to express it. i think that's the best thing i've found in dancing.

On Sunday Chinese girl Artressa and I will be going to San Diego to meet up biatch Lauren. Thanks again to Jay for letting us stay at her place and condolences to her family. This trip is a long awaited reunion (okay, it hasn't been that long but it feels long!) and vacation for us three. We're gona go to the beach for sure!! take class and hang out without a schedule! I'm super excited and i know they are too I'm glad the planning of the trip worked out and i'm glad i am gona be spending it with my girls.

When i get back ill be starting school.. i've never been this ready and i'm gonna work at it at full force. I'm so determined that this was the best route i could've taken and I have my mom to thank for helping me in this process.

Hmm.. what else, so far my summer has been good i've noticed that i'm starting to live a little more freely letting go a little more (in a good way) i can feel myself growing up and not paying attention to stuff that isn't worth my time it's a good feeling when you know yourself and you know where you came from and where you're headed and yet you still stick to who you are. i think that's one of the best things i have ever done for myself and i can only hope that i keep movin up from here.

til after sandy ego,
marien.

"see ya"

a couple of pointers to express what i've been feeling lately:

-things happen for a reason

-friends may come and go but only the real ones stick by you.

-don't ever question my friendship when you know damn well, where we stand in each others lives.

-all good things come to an end

-what is meant to be will be

-you live and you learn

-i miss dancing

-i start school in less than a month

-i've been having a fun summer so far  w/three fingers.. (idk what to call it..haha) & company.

- i want to see my other friends more often

- ill admit it, ill miss lauren when she leaves

-i will enjoy my mini vacay before school starts

-i love my family

- and may all the souls whom have recently passed away rest in peace.

just a little bit...

I'm still here!! So thankful for the struggle and situations i've been put through these past weeks.. it's upped my boundaries and from that i have grown. These past few weekends have been so much fun, I have the bestest family/boyfriend/friends they have and are currently giving me the time of my life. I am busy and getting closer and closer to my own personal victory... talking about victory, Company will be at body rock this weekend and we will up the nasty for sure! So, just a little update: im breathing, im alive and boy does it feel good!!