before i head out...

Tomorrow Company will be performing at boogie's show/competition in Sacramento. I'm excited to finally perform again even though i feel a bit rusty. I feel like I haven't been actually "dancing" since I took on my position in May so getting back into the swing of things is kinda hard. It's fun being able to see everyone again and hanging out at the studio it's so weird how it feels like forever but it's only been a month since company has been in the studio sweating together. I can't wait to take SI and begin a new season, is it season 5 already? or am i trippen? Season 4 was bittersweet for me I've been on a seasaw for a couple of months now and dancing hasn't been my number one. I know I've blogged numerous times about this but it's always on my mind like whether my dancing days are over, whether this is a phase i'm going through or if it's basically that i don't have time. But, when i think of stopping, I feel like there's a part of me that can't let go of dancing no matter how hard or busy my schedule is and is going to get. Everything that comes with dancing has helped define who i am and to let it go is like letting go a big chunk of my life that I've put my blood, sweat and tears in and that ain't easy..so for season 5 i am going to have a different outlook on dancing and dancing in the company it's no longer about anything but myself and the music and how I want to express it. i think that's the best thing i've found in dancing.

On Sunday Chinese girl Artressa and I will be going to San Diego to meet up biatch Lauren. Thanks again to Jay for letting us stay at her place and condolences to her family. This trip is a long awaited reunion (okay, it hasn't been that long but it feels long!) and vacation for us three. We're gona go to the beach for sure!! take class and hang out without a schedule! I'm super excited and i know they are too I'm glad the planning of the trip worked out and i'm glad i am gona be spending it with my girls.

When i get back ill be starting school.. i've never been this ready and i'm gonna work at it at full force. I'm so determined that this was the best route i could've taken and I have my mom to thank for helping me in this process.

Hmm.. what else, so far my summer has been good i've noticed that i'm starting to live a little more freely letting go a little more (in a good way) i can feel myself growing up and not paying attention to stuff that isn't worth my time it's a good feeling when you know yourself and you know where you came from and where you're headed and yet you still stick to who you are. i think that's one of the best things i have ever done for myself and i can only hope that i keep movin up from here.

til after sandy ego,
marien.

"see ya"

a couple of pointers to express what i've been feeling lately:

-things happen for a reason

-friends may come and go but only the real ones stick by you.

-don't ever question my friendship when you know damn well, where we stand in each others lives.

-all good things come to an end

-what is meant to be will be

-you live and you learn

-i miss dancing

-i start school in less than a month

-i've been having a fun summer so far  w/three fingers.. (idk what to call it..haha) & company.

- i want to see my other friends more often

- ill admit it, ill miss lauren when she leaves

-i will enjoy my mini vacay before school starts

-i love my family

- and may all the souls whom have recently passed away rest in peace.

just a little bit...

I'm still here!! So thankful for the struggle and situations i've been put through these past weeks.. it's upped my boundaries and from that i have grown. These past few weekends have been so much fun, I have the bestest family/boyfriend/friends they have and are currently giving me the time of my life. I am busy and getting closer and closer to my own personal victory... talking about victory, Company will be at body rock this weekend and we will up the nasty for sure! So, just a little update: im breathing, im alive and boy does it feel good!!

back on my feet

Alright, alright I'm back and this time I won't be deleting this blog. For the past couple of weeks i've been typing and deleting, thinking and re thinking, content and not content with my life and where i'm currently at. and finally after numerous falling outs and days in and out of personal struggle i'm ready to blog about it and happy to say that i'm back on my feet.

i honestly don't know where to start i think maybe i'll go with school kuz thats been my number one stress factor. throughout these past two years i have been working my ass of to get into a university and get my bachelor's in nursing. I never fell off, stayed on schedule and passed with decent grades by decent grades i mean enough to get me into a good school actually any school of my choice, but of course there are people wayyy smarter than me and waay on top of their game and all these budget cuts and priority crap.. that they just push me down, down to the waitlist.. =T i can't believe that i got waitlisted for three schools and out of my 1 and 20 chances of getting into City's program the stupid computerized lottery didn't pick ME! lol.. but anyways, i've always believed that God has a plan for me and in this life im living i will constantly go through many things with his meaning behind it and in the end my time will come he will show me that all this hard work and patience i have will bring me victory.. you're little filipino nurse Marien. haha With the constant support of my parents, Mom espscially and the endless push she's been giving me to succeed in life i have resorted to what many people like me have resorted to.. in October i will be starting a nursing program as an LVN it will be a year of constant struggle and fast pace but i can handle it kuz im so ready i can feel it.. never felt this ready in a long time.. after completing my LVN i will go to a university and complete my bachelor's in Nursing and though some people say after becoming an LVN and making all that money they slack on off and forget school I forsure wil not plus my mom won't allow it.. she has big plans and high hopes for me so with that i will succeed.

now that i've touched up on the topic of God i kind of want to give my two cents about how i feel about religion. I've been a faithful catholic my whole life i went through 9 years at a private catholic school and am current on my sacraments besides marriage of course. but, as i have grown older and experienced many things outside of the bubble i was in for 9 years i have many questions about religion and what i want and not want to believe. but, i think the main thing is this I believe God exists i have soo much faith in him whether it's considered that i am a catholic or not i have soo much faith that i don't care the title of my religion. i have such a friendship with God that probably no one knows about by just looking at me. I constantly talk to him and i believe that he has a set plan for everyone and through this struggle i call life i will get through it with his guidance. So there, i don't mean to put anyone down on their religion because i have so much respect for those of you who believe and work for God but for me whether i read the bible or not, whether i go to church every sunday or not, i'm still a believer of God and i still pray and thank him everyday and i still believe i have a relationship with him like no other.

okay this is getting long, but like i said there's soo much on my mind.. don't stop here, i need to let it all out...

dancing.. i've been real hesitant to touch on this topic because it's one i'm most currently sensitive about. i have been dancing since i was three, 18 years of my life. 18 years of dedication, hard work, endless struggle, MONEY and time.. but i don't mind it's been the best outlet i can ever have the one thing i will always be good at whether you think it or not! haha but because i've recently taken assistant manager at my work i havent been dedicated to CO. and UFO.. it makes me so sad and unimportant when i get to practice on sundays and its about to be over.. and more importantly it makes me sad that i am not fully there to see our progression and struggle for our body rock set. i dont mind that im not in very many pieces and i dont mind that i didnt really get casted because you earn what you worked for and to be totally honest i havent really been working.. because of all these other things on my mind. but, in the end i know im still a part of these two groups and we will do a great job at body rock and i will make it to all the practices i can and i will be a part of our progress and struggle and i will be apart of our victory. =]

okay, i'm almost ready to let out my big sighh.. everything's almost out.. thanks for reading up to here if you did... i have a great crazy family who will never let me down or keep me hanging, great friends especially my boyfriend who has given me the best relationship i could ever ask for, i have the bestest girlfriends you know who you are, you change my outlook everyday and you let me party hardd and you let me cry.. i am apart of the bestest groups out there company and UFO and because of all this, i am back on my feet, back to being ME and i ain't goin nowhere...

'we weren't meant to be, we just happened'

Sorry for the delay, i meant to blog on monday night but i realized that everyone and their mamas would be blogging about our fantabulous workshop on sunday so i didn't have the urge to blog since it would be the same ol same ol story.. but, i guess im gona put my two cents in and add a little to this blog because some stuff that happened in the past few days really made me want to share.

so, yes, we all already know, sunday was a great workshop for the company. not only did we get to learn from the roots to the top of the tree (jason, pat & shaun) but we were able to see why we don't win first place at competitions because we are more than just winners, we are inspirers. (is that a word, pat?) it seems that after a competition when we dont win, company always gets comments on youtube like 'daaaamn, i didnt know they did all that' or ' wow! ya'all shoulda placed forreal' and everytime i complain to pat about wanting to win or being soo bitter that we didnt win, he always tries to tell me that we don't win babe, we take things to the next level. and this sunday proved it all. How can a group of people from a totally different country come take a workshop and realize this is who we were looking for, this is the style we wanted to do, this is who we have been trying to learn from through youtube 24 hours a day in front of a BUILDING.. none other than shit kings themselves. it made me feel like a 'first place winner' to see such hard workers, such dedicated dancers wanting to learn our style. and on topa that fricken did it waaaay better then MOST of us hahaa! anyways, thats it. thats pat's point. thats our trophy and boy, does it feel good to win it!

on another note, today while laying in bed with pat i was suffocated by his body while trying to move the laptop down from the bunk bed.. i was thinking to myself 'maybe he doesn't wana let go?' or 'maybe he thinks im tryna get out of the chokehole im already in while laying with him'... but, to my surprise i hear this: 'babe, did you feel that?' 'yeah, dude i was like getting the anaconda squeeze' and he goes.. 'i had a dream i was wrestling my wrestling coach and when you moved i was ready to put the moves' LOL... pat has crazy dreams and twitches like no other. even ask drew. when pat would sleep over drew would purposely stay up after pat to see what he would say in his sleep. haha (BTW, pat MADE me put this in my blog.. lol)

anyways, these past few days have been nice with pat. we've been having these crazy conversations and being REAL with each other.. it feels good. he's everything im not, he's everything i need to learn, he's everything i need to find myself in and be comfortable with, i'm everything he's not, i'm everything he needs ot learn... and we weren't meant to be.. we just happened.

never enough hours in the day.

Yesterday i went to my friend Alex's funeral. It was soo heartbreaking and devastating that i still couldn't or didn't want to believe what was really happening. it hurt so bad to have to hear all the good things he has done and how everyone who filled that church was touched by him in many ways. I think it hurts me the most because we used to be really close and things happen and people drift apart for no apparent reason but because we DONT HAVE TIME. I even thought about him the other day and thought to myself that maybe i should myspace him just to see how everything is, and because I HAD NO TIME i was too late. I never got to say 'whats up, how are you?' hope you're doing okay.. what i had to say was, until we meet again Alex and i will never for get you, May you rest in peace. before leaving the cemetary, Shireen mentioned to me that he always asked about me when he saw her and asked if i still danced.. that warmed my heart because at lease i know in the midst of being too busy and having different friends and activities he still thought of me.

after going through this week of disbelief and sadness i was also happy to see all my friends from highschool especially my girl friends. we all felt hella bad that the only reason we were able to see each other 2 days in a row and sit down for lunch was because our friend passed away. it sucks that it has to be like that and i know i know it doesnt.. but even though we make efforts to meet someone up for lunch or go out for a shopping date theres NEVER ENOUGH TIME. i always seem to be caught up in working, dancing, school and as it is, it takes a lot of effort to keep up with my family, my boyfriend and friends i see on a daily. sometimes i go through practice not saying one word to people ill get there late and have to leave early and when i get home i feel empty..

i guess what im trying to get at is that i wana slow down in life. the constant thing i heard about alex throughout his funeral is that when he wanted to do something he wanted to do it to his best ability as long as hes having fun.. and i feel that i want to be able to enjoy my life and not be so busy and to keep updated with my friends and to hang out with my girls more often. it's hard i know, because ive tried this many times but this time it's really affected me and i really want to make more of an effort to MAKE TIME to HAVE TIME to call a friend, have lunch or just update.
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Slain man was helping friend

By: Tamara Barak Aparton
Examiner Staff Writer
04/19/09 3:28 PM

Friends and family members could always count on Alexander Apalit, an ambitious, affable 21-year-old who fixed their cars, helped them move and offered them rides.

It was Apalit’s desire to help, his family said, that led to him being fatally shot Saturday night near Balboa Park.

Apalit was a passenger in a vehicle traveling near Otsego and Santa Ynez avenues when a carload of young men in a dark, four-door sedan with tinted windows — possibly an Infinity Q35 — opened fire at 9:15 p.m., San Francisco police Sgt. Wilfred Williams said. Apalit died a short time later at San Francisco General Hospital. No arrests have been made.

Apalit’s mother said her son lived with his family in Daly City. He had been eating dinner with his cousin and a friend when the friend’s teenage brother called to say he was being chased in San Francisco by group of young men. The trio drove to The City and picked up the teen boy. The suspects gave chase in the sedan, firing four or five shots toward the car.

Apalit, who was sitting behind the driver, was shot in the chest.

His companions rushed him to the nearest emergency room, St. Luke’s, where his mother said he was turned away. He was taken by ambulance from St. Luke’s to San Francisco’s only trauma center, General Hospital.

“I’m really upset about that,” his mother said. “He was struggling, but he was still breathing when he was at St. Luke’s. They’re an emergency room; couldn’t they help him anyway?”

St. Luke’s spokesman Kevin McCormack said privacy laws prevented him from commenting, but he could not imagine the injured man would be turned away.

“Emergency rooms, by law, have to treat whoever comes in,” McCormack said. “They would be treated and stabilized and sent on somewhere else if appropriate. Obviously, the place to send someone in San Francisco with gunshot wounds is San Francisco General.”

Apalit grew up in The City and attended Sacred Heart Cathedral High School, where he played football and set a school record in the long jump. He had worked as an automotive technician since 2007. Last fall, Apalit and two cousins started a party-bus business, shuttling revelers to various nightclubs in The City, his mother said.

Police described the suspects as three young Hispanic men, including the car’s driver, who wore a green hooded sweatshirt, and a stocky man about 6-feet tall. A fourth suspect is described as a young black man with a dark complexion and dreadlocks. The description of a fifth suspect is unclear.

Anyone with information is asked to call the Police Department’s anonymous tip line at (415) 575-4444.

Other incidents in The City this weekend:

• At 4:30 p.m. Friday, police responded to reports of gunfire at Griffith Street and Navy Road in Bayview-Hunters Point, Sgt. Wilfred Williams said. Officers found 21-year-old Norris Bennett laying on the ground with multiple gunshot wounds. The San Francisco resident was pronounced dead by paramedics.
• Around 2:05 a.m. Saturday, police were called to the corner of Market and Noe streets after a fight and found a person suffering life-threatening injuries. That person was taken to a hospital, police Sgt. Mike Evanson said.
• Just minutes later, officers received a call of shots fired in SoMa. The victim, identified by the medical examiner as Richmond resident James Jamonte Turner, 23, was found laying on the sidewalk with gunshot wounds. Three men were seen running from the area, Williams said. Turner died at San Francisco General Hospital.
• Around 9:15 p.m. Saturday, 21-year-old Daly City resident Alexander Apalit was killed when a carload of young men opened fire into the vehicle he was riding in, Williams said.
• At 6 a.m. Sunday, three stabbing victims were taken to General Hospital after a fight broke out at the End Up nightclub at 401 Sixth St., according to police. All three men are expected to survive.
  

[Rest in Paradise Alexander Apalit. I still can't believe you're gone. we Love you very much and will never for get you.]

JEALOUS!

I know I know it's been awhile again but, I finally had the urge to blog after reading many blogs such as Pat, Drew, Mike, Aggie, TK, Christank etc. Reading their blogs made me jealous and wanted to make my blog spot all cool and exciting. I was just telling Pat how i think the way people lay their blogs out are exactly the type of person they are.. and look at mine loud, bright and crazy just like me.. haha

So.. tt's been about three months since i've last blogged and many things have happened both good & bad. I would love to show some eye candy but as always I never take pictures! So i guess im just gona have to give you guys a recap.. hope you don't get bored...

Urban Paradise 2009

I think every year since i started blogging i have blogged about how UP was a great success, how good we did and how thankful i was for sharing the stage with such talented people so add this year in.. especially this year! I was sooo inspired by all the great dancers that agreed to perform at our show.. it was such a great success! The stage was filled with talent that you can't even imagine..it was like we all stepped into another world i wish we never came back!  even though i've said this already and even though its been over a month i just want to thank all the performers for making UP a great and memorable show! thanks to whetheryoulikeitornot project for sticking in through the struggles, thanks to the CAMP for putting together a great show and thanks babe for pushing us to where we needed to be you are truly a great coach!

WOD 2009

I remember last year how long WOD was and how much i hated it because we didnt place that my mind was so blah! about this year. I knew we had a great set and I knew we were gona rip  but I also knew that we may not place.. and though winning isnt everything i feel like the company is always underestimated when we perform our sets. i dont know if people dont get it or if we're just not what they're looking for but i know we are pretty damn good! haha Altogether i think we had a great performace it felt so good to finally hit the stage in competition mode. we were like one big person dancing and leaving it all on stage a feeling i always look forward to and can always feel when im with them=] the rest of the weekend consisted of CAMP bonding and hanging out.. that was fun! watch our britney spears video.. its the bomb! haha

VEGAS/MY 21st

its so crazy isn't it.. that im finally 21?! and there's no other way to spend it then in the greatest ever, sin city! Pat, Phil, Han, Nick Andre and I spent the weekend/week in vegas with Christian, Matt and people from Rascals and Meccame.. and even though almost everyone knows how that trip went i still say whatever happened in vegas stays in vegas so we wont go into all that.. but lets just say i had the time of my life with such great company i wouldn't have had it any other way thanks TEAM KRAVE =] i love u guys.

and now...

yesterday i had the greatest tuesday in such a long time... i finally had the day off on a random week day and it was HOT!!! pat and i got matching pacquaio shirts for the game and headed to baker beach for some bbq, beer, sun and good company.. after that the stress began but it was all wellworth it when the company got to see manny and perform before the giants game.. after the performance we all watched the game, drank beer and raised the roof for having a good time haha.. that was fun, it helped me slow down from my busy life to just appreciate the goodness of it.

RIP alexander apalit. thank you for all the good times we shared you will never be forgotten. Love ya dude!

so, let's hope these blogs keep coming...