back on my feet

Alright, alright I'm back and this time I won't be deleting this blog. For the past couple of weeks i've been typing and deleting, thinking and re thinking, content and not content with my life and where i'm currently at. and finally after numerous falling outs and days in and out of personal struggle i'm ready to blog about it and happy to say that i'm back on my feet.

i honestly don't know where to start i think maybe i'll go with school kuz thats been my number one stress factor. throughout these past two years i have been working my ass of to get into a university and get my bachelor's in nursing. I never fell off, stayed on schedule and passed with decent grades by decent grades i mean enough to get me into a good school actually any school of my choice, but of course there are people wayyy smarter than me and waay on top of their game and all these budget cuts and priority crap.. that they just push me down, down to the waitlist.. =T i can't believe that i got waitlisted for three schools and out of my 1 and 20 chances of getting into City's program the stupid computerized lottery didn't pick ME! lol.. but anyways, i've always believed that God has a plan for me and in this life im living i will constantly go through many things with his meaning behind it and in the end my time will come he will show me that all this hard work and patience i have will bring me victory.. you're little filipino nurse Marien. haha With the constant support of my parents, Mom espscially and the endless push she's been giving me to succeed in life i have resorted to what many people like me have resorted to.. in October i will be starting a nursing program as an LVN it will be a year of constant struggle and fast pace but i can handle it kuz im so ready i can feel it.. never felt this ready in a long time.. after completing my LVN i will go to a university and complete my bachelor's in Nursing and though some people say after becoming an LVN and making all that money they slack on off and forget school I forsure wil not plus my mom won't allow it.. she has big plans and high hopes for me so with that i will succeed.

now that i've touched up on the topic of God i kind of want to give my two cents about how i feel about religion. I've been a faithful catholic my whole life i went through 9 years at a private catholic school and am current on my sacraments besides marriage of course. but, as i have grown older and experienced many things outside of the bubble i was in for 9 years i have many questions about religion and what i want and not want to believe. but, i think the main thing is this I believe God exists i have soo much faith in him whether it's considered that i am a catholic or not i have soo much faith that i don't care the title of my religion. i have such a friendship with God that probably no one knows about by just looking at me. I constantly talk to him and i believe that he has a set plan for everyone and through this struggle i call life i will get through it with his guidance. So there, i don't mean to put anyone down on their religion because i have so much respect for those of you who believe and work for God but for me whether i read the bible or not, whether i go to church every sunday or not, i'm still a believer of God and i still pray and thank him everyday and i still believe i have a relationship with him like no other.

okay this is getting long, but like i said there's soo much on my mind.. don't stop here, i need to let it all out...

dancing.. i've been real hesitant to touch on this topic because it's one i'm most currently sensitive about. i have been dancing since i was three, 18 years of my life. 18 years of dedication, hard work, endless struggle, MONEY and time.. but i don't mind it's been the best outlet i can ever have the one thing i will always be good at whether you think it or not! haha but because i've recently taken assistant manager at my work i havent been dedicated to CO. and UFO.. it makes me so sad and unimportant when i get to practice on sundays and its about to be over.. and more importantly it makes me sad that i am not fully there to see our progression and struggle for our body rock set. i dont mind that im not in very many pieces and i dont mind that i didnt really get casted because you earn what you worked for and to be totally honest i havent really been working.. because of all these other things on my mind. but, in the end i know im still a part of these two groups and we will do a great job at body rock and i will make it to all the practices i can and i will be a part of our progress and struggle and i will be apart of our victory. =]

okay, i'm almost ready to let out my big sighh.. everything's almost out.. thanks for reading up to here if you did... i have a great crazy family who will never let me down or keep me hanging, great friends especially my boyfriend who has given me the best relationship i could ever ask for, i have the bestest girlfriends you know who you are, you change my outlook everyday and you let me party hardd and you let me cry.. i am apart of the bestest groups out there company and UFO and because of all this, i am back on my feet, back to being ME and i ain't goin nowhere...